Featured Lynsey + Sarah Pin-Gasms

Pin-Gasms – Week of 5/29/16

May 30, 2016
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Pinterest is more than just a tool for overachieving moms and ladies who want to plan their weddings 10 years in advance. We use it as a tool to plan the look and feel of nearly every project we work on. Whether you’re planning to design a magazine, decorate your new apartment, or just some need entertainment while you’re on the shitter, Pinterest has something for everyone.

Introducing Pin-Gasms: A new column dedicated to what we’re currently eye-humping on Pinterest. May you leave this post as turned on as we were when we wrote it, and only half as drunk.Sarah's Pin-GasmSarah:

I fucking love pastels. Therefore, I could not be more thrilled with how on-trend they are. It’s easier than ever to find mouthwatering pastel color combos and I will pin every single one I see forever. Graphic design, paint colors, photography, swimsuits, appliances, color palettes, hair colors, beanies, art projects. Give them all to me.Lynsey Pin-GasmLynsey:

Lately I’ve been all into fucking LINES, SON! So, peep this pasta: it has a clean-ass penne angular line and it’s topped with one of my favorite cheeses that this God-forsaken planet has to offer. But if we’re talking lines from a purely design-oriented perspective, I am salivating over this Kanye-level sink, these beautifully-overpriced geometric artisan coasters, this natural light bathroom of my dreams, the turnout and leg-line of this ballerina, and this modern industrial scenic design.

Have you been regularly repinning anything lately? Let us know in the comments. It’s basically just like sharing porn.

Featured Interior Design Sarah

Spicing Things Up In The Bedroom

May 28, 2016
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There comes a time in all of our lives where we need to admit that what once satisfied us, has become blasé. We’re fickle creatures. It’s part of our nature. And that’s okay. Some relationships are meant to stand the test of time, while others fizzle out.

I’m talking, of course, about interior design. Dramatic AF, right? But I’ve had the same bedding since 2010 and I felt like it was time for a change. I know – may this be the worst of my problems. But holy hell, what a difference it made!

In case you didn’t know, I’m an insane person who makes a lot of lists and mood boards before I make major design decisions. Back in 2010, I saw this bedding at Crate & Barrel and fell absolutely in love with it. It somehow defied the laws of nature and managed to be both red and pink AT THE SAME TIME. I had to have it. I painted my walls this striking berry purple color and it all fit together flawlessly. Sadly, the best representation I have of that time is this Instagram post from before I knew how to use a camera:

old old roomShut up. Camera phones were way less capable back then. I was also less capable back then. Just take my word for it, that room looked GOOD. But tastes change, and apartment sizes change, and desire to repaint every time you have to move changes.

Four apartments later, I’m really into white. White walls, white furniture, white picture frames, all paired with pops of pastel colors throughout my space. It feels light and bright and happy and in stark contrast to everything I feel most of the time.

For some reason, my new vibe just wasn’t meshing with my old bedding in this space.oldalso oldSo it was time for a change. I spent way too much time on Pinterest and came up with the following inspo:

moodboardThen, I spent a pile of money and my happy new oasis was born.

newnewnewThe duvet cover and white sheets are from West Elm and they are goddamn heaven. The blanket is from my friend’s road trip to Vegas, but I’m sure you could find something similar anywhere in the American Southwest. The feathered pillowcases are from Urban Outfitters (but are no longer available because I took way too long to post this). And the long pillow is from CB2. My room totally still needs some more artwork and perhaps some BrightLab Lights, but let’s just be thankful for what we have, shall we?

And here’s the crown jewel of my bedroom:

nicYes, that is Nicolas Cage longingly staring out from the inside of a rainbow. Best purchase I’ve ever made. He looks at me with such love. Unlike Lucy, who looks at me like she’s sick of my shit.

What a difference, though, right?! For the first time in a long time, I actually feel like my bedroom matches the aesthetic of the rest of my home. At some point, I’ll give you guys a house tour, but that requires a whole day of stress-induced deep cleaning, and I’m not due for that for a few more weeks.

One final note: if you have pets, know that buying all-white bedding is a commitment to being 100% aware of how much pet fur is in an on your bed at all times. Your self-esteem regarding your ability to keep a clean home may suffer, but I’d say it’s totally worth it.

Featured Sarah

Where The Fuck Has Sarah Been?

May 27, 2016
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So I’ve been a little quiet lately. Rest assured, I’m not dead. Inside, a little. But that’s nothing new. Like any responsible adult nearing 30, I went back to school this past October to study Art Direction. It’s been absolutely bonkers – one of the most exciting and exhausting experiences of my life. But I’ve missed you fuckers. I’m pleased to say that I’m finally ready to get this nonsense up and running again, and I wanted to kick things off by showing you a little bit of what I’ve been up to these past few months.

I’ve made some ads.
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I’ve designed some shit.
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I’ve taken some photos. (And dyed my hair pink…and then back to brown.)

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I’ve become a shell of a human who wakes up in the middle of the night to write down things like “Personify coffee and make it go on The Jerry Springer Show to defend itself.”

I’m also fairly certain at this point that I’m 70% water, 20% espresso.

All in all, though, I feel like I’m doing something I was made for. School has given me even more creative fodder which I’m really excited to share with you guys. Look out for lots of pretty fucking things coming your way soon.

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Accessories Fashion Featured Lynsey What I Want Right Now

What I Want Right Now: Rose Quartz & Serenity

March 3, 2016
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Pantone recently announced their highly-anticipated “Color of the Year” and they did something a little different for 2016…They gave us not one, but TWO colors to drool over!  Behold, “Rose Quartz” and “Serenity.”

Now before you go roll your eyes and scoff about how you’re going to see this color combo plastered all over Pinterest in preparation of this upcoming (nightmare of a) wedding season (Dear God, you know you will), just hear me out.  As an individual who has consistently gone out of their way to hate HARD on pastels, Pantone has won me over with this gender fluid cultural commentary of a color combination.  (Suck on that alliteration, bitches.)

Take my advice and rock these subtle pastels with a fucking edge this spring.  While you’re at it, shout something offensive at a wedding!  Get in a verbal altercation with someone at a music festival!  Have unproductive political arguments with people on Facebook!  You can rest assured that you will most definitely upset your douchey conservative uncle when you show up drunk to Easter dinner in one of these items.

So, enjoy this carefully curated collection of  lusty-yet-affordable items featuring 2016’s Pantone Color Combo of the Year, Rose Quartz and Serenity.

PantoneShoppingGuide

  1. SEPHORA+PANTONE UNIVERSE Color of the Year Layer Lipstick in Rose Quartz  (BUY)
  2. Excelsior 360 Studs  from Baublebar (BUY)
  3. Pink Lapel Long Sleeve Pockets Woolen Coat from SheIn (BUY)
  4. Alloy Embellished Blue Sunglasses from Zaful (BUY)
  5. Classic Satin Corset Top from Wheels & Dollbaby (BUY)
  6. Blue Spaghetti Strap Knit Cami Top from SheIn (BUY)
  7. March Through Manhattan Boot in Pink from Modcloth (BUY)
  8. Bettie Pink Satin Heel from Pinup Girl Clothing (BUY)
  9. Seize The Day Maxi Dress from Tobi (BUY)
  10. Charm My Heart Skater Dress from Tobi (BUY)
  11. SEPHORA+PANTONE UNIVERSE Color of the Year Matte Lipstick in Serenity (BUY)

 

Advice Featured Sarah Travel

How to Pack Like a Motherfucking Ninja

November 25, 2015
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With the holidays coming up, a lot of you are probably getting ready to travel. Little did you know, I am a master motherfucking packer. My goal is to never have to check a bag. For trips under a week, I’m usually able to achieve it. Here’s a glimpse into my process. Hopefully it helps you avoid what little holiday stress you can actually control.

Step One:

Make a list like a goddamn adult. I usually like to this at least 24 hours before I pack, because I’ll inevitably remember something while I’m dicking around in the bathroom – which is a much better time to remember it than when you’re at the airport. Your list should have items like toothpaste, shampoo, underwear, socks, chargers, meds, etc. The fucking basics. You can laugh this phase off, but I guarantee you’re going to forget something and feel like an idiot. I also like to make a loose list of the kinds of outfits I’ll need.

Here’s my list for my upcoming trip to Wisconsin. Feel free to use it as a jumping off point for your own list. (Bonus: once you’ve got your list done, you can re-use it every time you travel with only minor tweaks!)

Backpack:

Plane Sweater
iPhone charger
Camera + Charger
iPad with Movies for Plane

Magazines for Plane
Moleskine
3DS + Charger
Beats + Charger
Laptop + Charger
Hard Drive with Photos to Edit
Water Bottle
Moisturizer
Sleep Mask
Meds

Suitcase:

Toiletries: Shampoo, Conditioner, Soap, Makeup Remover Wipes, Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Dry Shampoo – I also find this is a great time to pack those Sephora samples of tiny mascaras and eye creams you’ve been meaning to try. They take up less space than the full size products you were going to bring anyway, and it’ll give you something to do while you’re hiding out in the bathroom.
Razor
Makeup Bag
Hair Brush
Bobby Pins
Curling Iron
Comfy Clothes for 2 Days of Flying (wear one of these to the airport)
Cute Outfit for Thanksgiving
Cute/Casual Outfits for Friday and Saturday
Pajamas
Underwear and Socks
Coat
Gloves
Scarf
Small Purse

You’re probably like “That’s a lot of shit for four days, Sarah.” But it’s actually not. I’m just being detailed as fuck, because I hate forgetting things. Just wait: it’ll all fit in my small suitcase and my backpack.

I also find myself mega-productive on planes and while hiding uncomfortably at family gatherings, so I always pack heavy on the entertainment. You don’t have to. You know, if you like boredom and awkward silence.

Step Two:

Lay out your clothes. I know it’s tempting to just throw a bunch of t-shirts into your suitcase and say “I’ll figure it out once I get there,” but fuck that. You’ll end up overpacking, having to carry a larger suitcase, and suffering a serious case of packers’ remorse when you strain your back carrying your shit up the stairs at Aunt Judy’s.

Since I already know how many cute outfits and how many lazy-slob outfits I need from step one, this part is actually pretty fun. I like to make a game out of it to see how many outfits I can make from the fewest number of pieces possible. Usually this involves the rule that nothing but tops can be single-wear items. I also like set caps, like no more than 2 pairs of shoes, and no more than 3 necklaces. You’ll likely be tempted to add another pair of jeans in case you shit yourself or 6 extra pairs of socks in case some horrible flood keeps targeting you. Do not do this. One extra pair each of socks and underwear, max. If you shit yourself, I’m sure Aunt Judy will let you use the washing machine, or you can throw away your pants and take your secret to the grave.

Here’s a demo of my two travel outfits, two casual outfits, and one cute outfit for this trip.

Travel:

Let’s be honest. These are basically just cute pajamas.

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Casual:

Basic shit I wear every day, but nice enough to convince my family that I’m not horribly depressed and make them question why I moved to San Francisco, enrolled in art school, and dyed my hair purple.

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Cute Holiday:

This outfit is the most important. It says “Hey, I’m a respectable adult who knows that I have to dress up on days when banks are closed and not drink too much wine in front of Grandma. Please don’t worry about me.” But it’s also leopard. Because I’m a fucking maverick.

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Step Three:

Go through your list and actually pack your suitcase. Cross things off as you pack them. Still need that toothpaste in the morning because you’re not some kind of savage? Leave it on the list until it’s in your bag.

Here’s my suitcase, all packed and ready to go:

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I told you it would all fit. As far as clothes go, I’m only bringing 2 pairs of shoes, 5 shirts, 1 tunic, 1 sweater, 1 pair of pants, 2 pairs of leggings, a skirt, 1 pair of pajamas, and and appropriate quantity of socks and underwear.

Step Four:

As you get ready in the morning before your flight, pack items as you use them. This usually means meds, toiletries, makeup, and the like. Go over your list one more time and make sure you’ve got everything.

And if you’re too lazy to read all of that nonsense, here are the Cliff’s Notes:

1. Plan. Don’t overpack.
2. Minimize large/heavy wardrobe items. Instead, change things up with jewelry and lipstick.

Congrats. You are now the fucking Goldilocks of packing. Future you is prepared as fuck.

Featured Lynsey + Sarah What's Nailing It

What’s Nailing It Right Now – October 2015

October 27, 2015
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Hey Kittens,

It’s that time again! Here are our picks for what’s nailing it super hard right now.

Sarah’s picks:

Sarah's Picks

 

1 / Mara Hoffman’s New Workout Wear – Never before have I had such a boner for bras and leggings that I would consider spending over $100 on one piece, but these energetic prints are spicing up the genre in a whole new way. (And look at this cool demo of how to wear it!)

2 / Tees and Art by Leesh – You know when you have a friend who’s super talented and they start producing shit and you just want to give them all of your money? I’m so proud to know this girl and even prouder to display her zany illustrations on my chest.

3 / Body Glide – I don’t know about you, but thigh gap will never happen for me. I am an athletic pear at my best and a have two eclairs for legs at my worst. All of this means that wearing dresses without tights results in incredibly painful thigh rub. Enter this shit. All I have to do is endure the humiliation of applying lubricant to my inner thighs and I can walk with the freedom of someone who hasn’t had carbs in a year.

4 / Cage Bras – Putting a cage around your tits may sound really uncool, but look how sexy that shit is! What I like about this one is it’s just a harness, so I can still wear it with my industrial strength bra. Sorry gals, bralettes just aren’t for those of us with chest meat.

5 / Painted Floors – A cheap alternative to replacing damaged floors that looks great while managing to severely offend traditionalists. Oh that I had my own house (and the will to do manual labor!)

 

Lynsey’s picks:

Lynsey's Picks

1 / J.Crew Majesty Peacoat — Winter is coming and I want nothing more than to be clothed in this magical cerulean double-breasted wonder of a peacoat.  As an upsettingly pale blonde girl blue is my shit. So obviously I need to troll around in this coat throughout this winter season.

2 / J.Crew Wool Crepe Dress — Obviously not meant to be worn with said coat, but as its own stylish holiday entity, this timeless dress is the staple that my wardrobe is sorely missing.  I can envision myself rocking this in any social situation from meeting a client, to aggressively pounding prosecco after prosecco at a family gathering.

3 / Kat Von D Everlasting Liquid Lipsticks — These lipsticks are made from the very nectar of the beauty gods.  I sauntered into Sephora (as I usually do at least 3 times a week because I’m 28 years old and I still work in a goddamn mall) and I tested these little beauties on my hand. They. Are. Amazing. They are highly-pigmented, they range in color options from vibrant to natural, and they LAST like you wish your boyfriend wouldn’t! (Seriously, can’t he just finish already?!)

4 / Tarte Home For The Holidaze Collector’s Set – For some the holidays are all about eating great food and spending time with your loved ones, but for me it’s all about the GIFT SETS, GURLLLL!  I had been eyeing this little beaut for about three weeks at the Macy’s Impulse Beauty counter until I finally succumbed to its siren call.  Since I am a devoted fan of Tarte Cosmetics (shoutout to my ride-or-die, Tartelette palette) and I enjoy curated boxes of stuff I knew I had to own this set.  First of all, you can’t fuck up your face too badly if you sick with the color scheme of the eyeshadow quads and their complementary blushes.  Secondly, they’re interchangeable so you can take your lewk with you on-the-go. And finally, it comes with extra cool stuff for you to try!  As a beauty geek and all-around commitment-phobe, I would much rather try a sample of a product before committing to a full-sized version of it.  I love their Lights, Camera, Lashes mascara and the fresh-looking lip glaze. Head over to Macy’s to get your hands on this set!  It does not disappoint!

5 /  Song: “Saturn” by Sleeping at Last – This song is just super-duper gorgeous and you should just give your ears the honor and reverence of experiencing it and its overwhelming beauty.

Advice Featured Food Lifestyle Sarah

Meal Planning for Real People

October 12, 2015
Meal Planning for Real People

Ok kiddos. Here’s the thing: I love food. I love food so very much. And while I love going out to eat or nomming down on some takeout, I don’t want to be doing those things just because there’s nothing to eat at home. This is partly because I’d rather spend the money on clothes, and partly because once I do, it’s important to me that those clothes continue to fit.

So I cook most of my meals. That could totally suck if it weren’t for the miracle that is advanced planning. I’ve come up with a formula for how I plan and cook my meals that both saves me from starving when I’m lazy and also allows for some spontaneity. So here it is. You’re fucking welcome.

Every week, I plan a meal in each of the following categories. The more overlapping and in-season ingredients, the better for your budget.

one easy breakfast (avocado toast, smoothies, eggs, etc.)
one make-ahead breakfast (baked oatmeal, pancakes, waffles, etc.)
one make ahead snack (roasted nuts, homemade granola bars)
two kinds of fruit (as snacks and meal accessories)
one pasta dish with veggies
one meat dish with veggies
one sandwich (for lunches)
one soup or salad
one application for leftover sandwich fixins and soup/salad leftovers (pasta, fried rice, quiche, pizza, ravioli, etc.)

I know. It sounds both super simple and like SO much food. But trust me, it works. I like to make the meat dish as soon as I get my groceries so that the meat doesn’t go bad before I can use it. I usually make this, the make-ahead breakfast, and my snack at the same time while catching up on terrible garbage TV. The make-ahead breakfast is great for those mornings where I just have no time to spare (which is frequent because I’m a chronic procrastinator). This is why I always pack my lunch (sandwich, snack, and a piece of fruit) the night before. That way, I can grab it on my way out the door between prayers for all green lights.

The soup or salad (depending on the season) is a great dinner option when I’m in the mood for something light. It’s also great for lunches when you’re sick of eating the same fucking sandwich everyday. I like to make the pasta dish toward the end of the week, when my supplies are dwindling, since its ingredients tend to have a longer shelf life. Then, when my cold cuts are no longer appealing, and my fridge turns into a barren wasteland, I get creative with my leftover meat, tofu, and veggies. This holds me over until I get to the store again, and frees up space for the next week’s groceries with minimal waste.

To give you an example, here’s what I’m eating this week:

Easy breakfast: avocado toast with sriracha and a side of turkey bacon
Make ahead breakfast: chocolate almond butter oatmeal (modified from original recipe)
Make ahead snack: roasted maple cinnamon almonds
Fruits: bananas and apples
Pasta dish: baked broccoli macaroni and cheese with turkey bacon
Meat dish: cheeseburger meatloaf with broccoli
Sandwich: turkey, hummus, and avocado roll ups (I added a wrap because I don’t hate myself)
Salad: baked chicken with spinach, avocado, turkey bacon, cherry tomatoes, olive oil, balsamic, salt and pepper
Leftover application: quiche (don’t get excited, I use frozen pie crust) with leftover turkey bacon, broccoli, tomatoes, spinach, turkey, whatever I left.)

And that’s it. I just made the meatloaf, chicken, turkey bacon, and almonds in about an hour, and I’ll make the rest as the week progresses. I hope this helps you see that planning your meals isn’t just for bitches on Pinterest. It’s also for cheapskates without a lot of time on their hands.

Accessories Fashion Featured Sarah What I Want Right Now

What I Want Right Now: October Edition

October 2, 2015
WIWRN-HERO

October is here! And with it comes a clean slate in my Mint budget. That means that some of the little goodies I spent the second half of September ogling could soon be mine! So here’s a list of shit I’m thinking of buying this month. I wish I had less expensive taste.

First up, athletic gear:

Image Credit: Athleta

Image Credit: Athleta

1 / Grey Push The Limit Bra $54.00 – Athleta / BUY

This bra is medium impact, which can effectively support the girls in both weight training and spin class (my two most common workouts). I actually have this bra in 2 other colors, but now that I’m working out every day (more on that later), I find myself standing over the hamper debating if I can re-wear yesterday’s sweaty-ass bra. The answer is no, because I have self respect. So I will buy more.

2 / Black Push The Limit Bra $54.00 (Select Colors on Sale) – Athleta / BUY

Seriously. This is my favorite bra ever. I have a pretty hefty chest, which can mean pain if not properly supported. Not only does this bra do that well, but because of the back design, it doesn’t painfully cut into my backfat. Thank you, Athleta.

3 / Chaturanga Tight $69.00 (Select Colors on Sale) – Athleta / BUY

I can hear you now: “Fuck you, Sarah. I’m not spending $70 on leggings.” And I get it. But these are thick leggings that can last for years. I’ll wear them fucking anywhere. They do a great job as athletic pants, but also double as passable errand-running / movie-going / buffet pants. Trust me.

4 / Floral Crush Chaturanga Tight $74.00 – Athleta / BUY

Same pants, but for $5 more, you get a cute-as-hell pattern. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been drooling over these for weeks.

Next up, clothing:

Photo Credit: Anthropologie, Revolve

Photo Credit: Anthropologie, Revolve

1 / Eli Mockneck Tank $68.00 – Anthropologie / BUY

Why yes, this tank is expensive as hell. But you know what? I LIVE in tops like this. My rule of thumb is that I will spend up to $100 on a top if I think it will be a staple piece in my wardrobe. I fucking love black and white stripes, but it’s hard to find the correct ratio of white to black that doesn’t make you look like an escaped convict or like you should be chowing down of baguettes. This top has it, along with a rad gold zipper detail in the back.

2 / Turtleneck Swing Dress $118 – Anthropologie / BUY

There are several things I love about this dress: It can be layered with tights, booties, and a leather jacket for Fall, or paired with sandals and dangly earrings for Spring. It’s versatile as fuck. Also, it has no waist but not in a what’s-she-hiding-under-there way. Perfect casual dress in my opinion.

3 / Dallas Tank $32 – Revolve / BUY

You may have noticed I tend to like clothes in the black, white, and grey color palette. That’s partly because I have purple hair and it looks best surrounded by monochrome, but also because I like to add panache to my looks with bold jewelry. I like this black basic for its Lara Croft vibe, and because my shoulders look awesome in a T-back top.

Lastly but not leastly, accessories:

Image Credit: Jenny Bird, Revolve, Rebecca Minkoff

Image Credit: Jenny Bird, Revolve, Rebecca Minkoff

1 / Lezark Ear Jackets $60 – Jenny Bird / BUY

I am obsessed. I love that these ear jackets have an interchangeable head and they have the perfect edgy glam style. And check out that awesome styling suggestion! Also they come in Rose Gold. You’re welcome.

2 / Ettika Set of 3 Gold Star Earrings $28 – Revolve / BUY

I happen to have a second hole in each ear and I love the idea of playing with asymmetric length in coordinating earrings.

3 / Suede Finn Crossbody $195 – Rebecca Minkoff / BUY

This is probably the hardest for me to drop the money on. I’ve been searching high and low for the perfect black fringed bag. This one is pretty perfect: not overwhelming, not fringed on just one side. The price is a little steep though and I wish it were black leather instead of suede. I’m going down to the store to see if there’s a love connection in person. In the meantime, anyone have any alternative suggestions?

And that’s the long list of shit I’m lusting after this month. I’ve found that planning out my purchases in advance helps me to make sure I really want the things I’m buying. If it doesn’t vibe with my wardrobe, or I don’t think it’ll be a staple, it’s out. If I order it online and it doesn’t fit perfectly, it goes back. Let’s all be ruthless with our wardrobes, shall we?

 

Featured Food Sarah Travel

The Broads Take Las Vegas (And How to Win the Buffet)

September 28, 2015
It's Vegas Bitch

My friend Sarah came to visit me in San Francisco recently. I spent a few days showing her around here, and then we headed off to Vegas because why the fuck not? It was a fun experience filled with losing a bunch of money playing Blackjack, waiting around like ravenous wolves for the Britney Spears slots to free up, collecting hooker trading cards, seeing the hilarious and talented Celine Dion, and of course, stuffing our faces like gluttonous pigs. (Side note: if you don’t know how awesome Celine is, click that last link. You’re welcome in advance).

On day two of our trip, we discovered that the buffet at Harrah’s offers a deal where you have unlimited access to most of the casino buffets for 24 hours. The cost is just $55 per person. Some of the fancy-ass buffets will charge you an extra $10 or so, but we obviously avoided those. We managed to get 4 meals (dinner, breakfast, lunch, and another dinner) into that 24 hour period and didn’t totally hate ourselves by the end of it. If that’s not success, then I don’t know what is. So here is the Sarahs’ collective buffet wisdom. I hope it’s as helpful to you as it was to us.

How to win the buffet (as told by two women who love food and have moderate levels of self-respect):

The Warm-up:

1. Don’t go when you’re really hungry. You’ll blow your load way too early and end up super full super fast.

2. Don’t wear constructing clothing- go for spandex, dresses, or maternity wear. You should be in charge of your clothing, no the other way around.

3. Don’t waste your stomach real estate on beverages. Drink water only. Carbonation is a waste of space.

The Food:

1. Starting with a preliminary survey is always a good idea. I like to do a lap around the buffet to get an idea what I can expect. I’d hate to fill up on mashed potatoes when there are pierogis further down the line.

2. Don’t waste your time on that salad bar nonsense. We all know why you’re really here. No bread either. Again, waste of space.

3. When serving yourself, build dams to separate unlike foods on your plate. Nobody needs marinara sauce in their sushi.

4. If you don’t love it, stop eating it. This is the time to be a disgusting American glutton.

5. That being said, take small portions the first time around to make sure you’re not being a wasteful fuck. If you find karmic bliss in that bite of roast beef, you can always go back for more.

6. Feel free to rest between plates. I personally like a good 5 minute rest before I get back up.

In the end, everyone has to define winning the buffet for themselves. For some people, it’s how many rounds you can go. For others, it’s just not throwing up. For Sarah and me, it’s trying a little bit of everything and going back for our favorites. In the end, If you’re happy, then you’ve won not only the buffet, but probably life as well.

Fashion Fitness Lynsey Shit I Bought

Fitness Shit I Bought

September 24, 2015

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1/ Medium Impact – Caged Back Sports Bra $14.90 – Forever 21 / BUY
Give your boobs the gift of tiny little sweat windows while you work out in this medium impact top.

2 / Low Impact – Crisscross Yoga Bra $14.90 – Forever 21 / BUY
If you have zero boobs (like me) you can sweat yer balls off in this top without a caaaaaaare in the goddamn world!

3 / Heather Yoga Leggings $19.90 – Forever 21 / BUY
FUN FACT: These pants have not one, not two, not three, but FOUR POCKETS!

4 / Mesh-Paneled Racerback Tank in Black $9.90 – Forever 21 / BUY
I don’t know. This top makes me feel like I’m ’bout to get into some Divergent Hunger Games kinda shit…So, I’m into it.

5 / Low Impact – Crisscross-Back Heathered Sports Bra $14.90 – Forever 21 / BUY
Is this piping orange? Pink? Pigmented by a magical unicorn that has access to office supplies? I don’t know!

6 / Medium Impact – Marble Print Sports Bra $14.90 – Forever 21 / BUY
Because I’m still super into marble these days…

7 / Abstract-Trimmed Knit Tank in White $12.90 – Forever 21 / BUY
Buyer’s remorse update: I should have bought it in black.

8 / Contrast Marble Print Performance Leggings $22.90 – Forever 21 / BUY
Because I obviously have to match.

9 / Props Athletics Freedom Gloves in Grey $38.00 / BUY
Overpriced gloves that help me cling to the Megaformer for dear life so my sweaty hands don’t make me fall on my sweaty face.